I get caught up in showing strength a lot. Being a man and raising the boys to be men, and not little sissies. One of my Dad's hero's was John Wayne, and he wanted my brothers and I to act like men. Treat women with respect and stand up for what we believe in. But I'm more and more impressed with how much strength Heather has. We've had a fairly rough year. Between job changes, my Dad's health, and making less money than I was; things have been hard. Heather hasn't faltered a bit. She can see me getting stressed out and she somehow knows the right thing to say and do. She pulls strength form her faith, knowing God will provide. I wish I could be as strong as she is.
We started dating when she was 19, and I felt like I had to take care of her. For a long time I did, but somewhere along the line she started taking care of me. How'd that happen? I still feel the need though. Guess I always will. It's my job.
I don't usually show my feelings, but she knows what I'm thinking anyway. I'm thankful for that. Even if I don't always tell her.
I have a lot of people I consider friends, but I consider Rance and Josh 2 of my best. I can rely on them anytime. I've known them for a long time. I know Heather has a lot of friends, but I feel bad because she can't spend hardly any time with them. Most are doing homeschooling and spend most of their time together during the day and she has to work. I'm impressed with how much strength that takes. I know women need each other more than men do and it must be hard. I try to be there for here but I know it's not the same. I just hope I can give her the same strength she has given me.
I just thank God that the girl I started dating has turned into such a strong Godly woman (and mother).
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Facing Reality
I wrote this last week, but haven't been able to post it until now. My family got bad news last Friday, but I haven't really said anything to anyone. I really haven't even talked to my Mom & Dad. Then I'd have to face it. My Dad's not responding to treatment, and his cancer has grown 35% since his last visit (3 weeks ago). It's in both lungs and a gland somewhere in his chest.
The Doctor told him to find a hospice provider and get things in order. It may be 2 wks it may be 2 months. You never know with these things, but it won't be long.
He just now told my Mom. She really didn't know how bad things were getting. He didn't want her to know. When things started to look really bad several months ago I was getting on him about getting things in order, and enjoying his time left. The only thing he wanted to do was work. I told him "you can't even drive right now. How are you going to operate a loader?" He looked at me and said, "I've been taking care of your mother for 41 years and I'll take care of her till I take my last breath". I said yes sir and took him to work. When you see a man as tough as that you think. Maybe with his strong faith in God and his toughness he can beat this. So it gives you a false sense of security.
I'm worried about my parents. My Dad is self employed. He's hardly worked over the last 2 years. This has pretty much bankrupted him. He came from a life without 401k's, and pension funds. It's whatever you can hold onto. My Mom has hardly ever worked, except raising 4 boys. My Dad has always taken care of her. We (my brothers and I) are probably going to have to pool our resources and bury him. My Mom won't be able to pay for her house and land. The reality of that scares me.
My parents are both Believers. My Dad has been convinced that God is going to give him 7 more years. My Mom has been living off of that. Believing that God wouldn't take him. I pray that they can put their faith in God to give them peace now. The reality is that we don't know what God has in store for us. We can't predict if we'll get more time or not.
My parents have never been the "grandparent" type. The grandparents that come over to take the kids for the weekend or take them some where fun. Some where deep down I kept hoping that one day my Dad would wake up and do that for the boys, but the reality is it's not in him. I know he loves them. I just pray he can show them before it's too late.
Please pray for my family. For peace, strength, and wisdom. That my brothers don't blame God. That my Mother gets the strength she needs. Pray that financially we can do what needs to be done. Pray for me. I've been blocking it as much as I can, but when I have to face reality pray that God gives me strength.
The Doctor told him to find a hospice provider and get things in order. It may be 2 wks it may be 2 months. You never know with these things, but it won't be long.
He just now told my Mom. She really didn't know how bad things were getting. He didn't want her to know. When things started to look really bad several months ago I was getting on him about getting things in order, and enjoying his time left. The only thing he wanted to do was work. I told him "you can't even drive right now. How are you going to operate a loader?" He looked at me and said, "I've been taking care of your mother for 41 years and I'll take care of her till I take my last breath". I said yes sir and took him to work. When you see a man as tough as that you think. Maybe with his strong faith in God and his toughness he can beat this. So it gives you a false sense of security.
I'm worried about my parents. My Dad is self employed. He's hardly worked over the last 2 years. This has pretty much bankrupted him. He came from a life without 401k's, and pension funds. It's whatever you can hold onto. My Mom has hardly ever worked, except raising 4 boys. My Dad has always taken care of her. We (my brothers and I) are probably going to have to pool our resources and bury him. My Mom won't be able to pay for her house and land. The reality of that scares me.
My parents are both Believers. My Dad has been convinced that God is going to give him 7 more years. My Mom has been living off of that. Believing that God wouldn't take him. I pray that they can put their faith in God to give them peace now. The reality is that we don't know what God has in store for us. We can't predict if we'll get more time or not.
My parents have never been the "grandparent" type. The grandparents that come over to take the kids for the weekend or take them some where fun. Some where deep down I kept hoping that one day my Dad would wake up and do that for the boys, but the reality is it's not in him. I know he loves them. I just pray he can show them before it's too late.
Please pray for my family. For peace, strength, and wisdom. That my brothers don't blame God. That my Mother gets the strength she needs. Pray that financially we can do what needs to be done. Pray for me. I've been blocking it as much as I can, but when I have to face reality pray that God gives me strength.
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